Death never seems to really hit me. When someone that i know dies, it always feels unreal. When you start to think about it, it almost feels like it’s impossible that they’re gone and you’re sure they’re still alive just as they were. Thinking back on all the memories, makes them feel so real. It really could drive a person mad.
One of my oldest friends lost their little brother a few days ago. It was so surprising when i heard about it. I knew the boy when he was only three. It was actually really sad to me, although i couldn’t cry over it. I couldn’t believe that he really died. When someone is so young, you think that it has to be a mistake. Out of all the people, how could it be him? There’s no way it could be that person, right? It’s crazy to think that they were just alive less than three days ago. I can never seem to get over that fact.
I’m always awkward and kind of standoffish when i’m around the people that were closer to the person lost. I don’t know how to act. In the back of my head, i still have those thoughts that that person couldn’t be gone. And you never know how someone wants to be comforted. People vary. Some might like to talk it out, cry it out, and others might just want to leave it alone and deal on their own. So without knowing what people want, i tend to just sit alongside and try to act as normal as i can. As horrible as it may be, i try to have casual conversation and talk as we would every day.
Accepting death, is always the first step to recovering. Their memories make them feel so real, so alive. But that’s what you have to hold on to in order to keep going. You’ll always have them, because you’ll always have those memories of them.